When you have someone in your life that assumes they should be the most important person in your life, and you have kids, it’s just selfish on their part. If you’re a good parent, it’s not possible to make someone else, a brother, a sister, a cousin, etc. a priority over your kids. I’ve had such a family member quite recently assume because it was their birthday, that I would cancel my plans (a very important meeting we’ve been trying to arrange with Councillors for weeks, involving what school we’re sending our daughter to – so a pretty darn important meeting!) and attend a concert with them (the fact I’m not a fan of the boy band didn’t help). But the minute I said I couldn’t make it, they blew up at me and tried to make it all about them “Thanks for ruining my birthday!” Honestly it’s like talking to a teenager sometimes. If I said no in the past, they would manage to make me feel guilty and I would end up grovelling for forgiveness, mainly because they’re family and everyone always says families should stick together, right? Well, I’ve put up with it since I was a kid and they were the teenager I looked up to, but not anymore! This time I decided it’s time to remove that negative energy from my life and told them so. I then proceeded to block them from every means of communication they could possibly have with me so they were in no doubt I was serious. Fortunately I live almost 20 miles away from them, and there is no way they would make a conscious effort to take a bus, 2 trains and a 2 miles walk to come to my house. I feel great now; I only wish I had done it years ago.
Granted, this person will moan…and moan…and go on moaning to anyone around them who will listen (including their kids, my Mum, my sister and my entire family) making me out to be the bad guy in this scenario. And granted for awhile when visiting my Mum, I’ll have to adopt my Teflon skin, but hopefully the person in question will eventually realise I’m deadly seriously when I told them that at 45, now is definitely the time for them to grow up. They will of course be telling everyone how they are the victim and so hard done by. I will happily say good riddance to anyone that believes that nonsense. Personally I don’t get how it’s everyone else’s fault that their life is the way it is, especially when they are the one who needs to do something about it. I know I did.
I think one of the things that caused me to snap was getting sick of them saying: “I pay your wages!” Yes, I work in the public sector and yes, technically money from UK taxes pays my wages. However the person who said this, does not work (and has no intention of getting a job ever – but who am I to judge?) therefore does not pay any UK taxes which pay my wages! I used to feel guilty that I had things while they didn’t, but I’ve come to realise that I’ve worked for the same company for over 10 years and in that time I started at the bottom and gradually worked my way up to where I am now. I may have doubled my salary in that time but I’m no longer going to apologise for it just because they choose not to get a job – I worked my backside off to get where I am (and I’m not done yet) not sat around waiting to win the lottery or for someone to come along and dig me out of a rut.
So if I’ve learned anything, it’s this:
You shouldn’t feel bad for ditching people over your kids – if someone tries to make you feel bad then they are the ones with issues not you.
People that aren’t happy unless they moaning about things all the time, they’re only so long you can ignore them before that negativity starts affecting you and your mood.
Constant negative people can feel like a weight around your ankles and you don’t realise how much they are weighing you down until you let them go.
Just because someone is related to you, doesn’t mean they have your best interests at heart.
So do whatever is right for you, your kids and keeping you all healthy. It might seem like a big decision, but once you’ve made it, you’ll realise how much of a great decision it actually is.
Have you had to let go of a negative person (or people) in your life? Let us know in the comments below. You’re emails are always welcome also.